1993 was a powerhouse year for the cinema, and these movies prove why.
1. Jurassic Park
Animatronics? Check. Kids in peril? Double check. Neckerchiefs? It’s a Spielberg trifecta!
2. Dazed and Confused
The fact that we all know the line from this scene makes it golden.
Thanks to Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday we were introduced to the term “huckleberry,” and still don’t know if it’s a real berry or not.
4. The Sandlot
Because this movie rocks. Oh, and Wendy Peffercorn.
5. Groundhog Day
According to some internet mathematicians, Bill Murray’s character spends at least 33 years trapped in a time loop, which is how I felt watching Garfield.
5. Mrs. Doubtfire
Oh, Robin Williams, what happened?
6. Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Don’t act like when this comes on TV you don’t leave it on from wherever it is and watch it til the end.
7. Schindler’s List
"Is that a hangnail? Can this day get any worse?!"
8. True Romance
Brad Pitt uses a honey bear as a bong. That is all.
9. The Nightmare Before Christmas
Because every December, chubby goth kids let their parents take them to Disneyland so they can experience The Nightmare Before Christmas-themed Haunted Mansion. Also, churros.
10. A Bronx Tale
This film is chock full of sage advice like the one above, but also includes the “girl test” and the “fear vs. love” scene.
11. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
"Sorry, you didn’t win Best Supporting Actor for this part, Leo, but you know who did?"
12. The Fugitive
"Me! Mr. Tommy Lee Jones! And the movie ain’t even about me. I play the cop! Yee Haw!"
13. Hocus Pocus
More like “Hocus Focus On All That Cleavage!” amiright?
14. Cool Runnings
"Sanka!… you dead?" "Ya, mon." Classic.
Because this movie was made for all us “5 foot nothin’, 100 and nothin’s” that have “barely a speck of athletic ability.”
16. Rookie Of The Year
Yes. Yes, he did.
17. Sleepless In Seattle
"Eww, you have a kid? Date over!"
18. Falling Down
As a Los Angeles native, this movie runs through my head every time I get in my car. Every. Single. Time.
19. Menace II Society
Firmly believe that Heath Ledger’s Joker was based a on Larenz Tate’s nihilistic, sociopathic O-Dog. Well, at least the gun was.
"I think I feel a hangnail. Can this day get any worse?!"
1. The guy from “Love It Or List It” haunts your dreams.
"You’re going to list it, right? RIGHT?!"
2. You think that the Property Brothers aren’t actually twins.
Totally cousins, I’m sure.
3. Every house on “House Hunters” has potential.
Just needs some TLC!
4. Convinced you know the difference between all shades of white.
Now that I look at it, eggshell is a bit much compared to ivory.
5. Everything in your place is now shabby chic.
"What do you mean it looks like a grandma lives here? THIS IS HIP AND COOL! NO COOKIES AND MILK FOR YOU!"
6. You “understand” what Escrow is.
No, you don’t.
7. Considering moving to Brazil based on one episode of “House Hunters: International.”
Uh… Can you tell me the closest way to the beach?
8. Convinced there is hardwood floors under ALL carpet.
I’m sure those stains didn’t seep through.
9. You refer to people’s faces as their “Curb Appeal.”
1. Professor Plum - Clue
I don’t think those are real glasses, sir. Or a real book. Or pipe. Stop looking at me like that. Wait, why is this door locked?
2. Mr. Monopoly - Monopoly
Only a sexually depraved billionaire would have “Get Out Of Jail Free” cards at his disposal.
3. This Doctor - Operation
He’s clearly wearing boxers and no shoes. ‘Nuff said.
4. This Dude - Stratego
Fascinating two-handed strategy game? Where’s the other hand, bro?
5. Daddy - Don’t Wake Daddy
From the look of things, the game should be called “Don’t Walk In On Daddy When He Has The Door Shut.” Also, that cat looks scarred for life.
6. Joel - Girl Talk
"It’s raining out, girl. Why not come inside and have a root beer while I tell you about hanging with the Ski Club. I won’t bite, unless you want me to."
7. Mr. Mint - Candyland
I know what you’re thinking; Lord Licorice is the obvious lecher in Candyland, right?
I mean, who wears over-alls with turtlenecks? Danish librarians and perverts, that’s who, and I don’t think Mr. Mint is a Danish librarian.
8. Patrol Boat - Battleship
You sneaky little bugger, always the last to get sunk. What’s that? You want to call it a draw and grab a few mimosas? I don’t think so, sailor.
9. The Orange Hippo - Hungry Hungry Hippos
"…and that’s when Pink Hippo realized Orange had been staring at Green for quite some time, the appetite in his eyes hungry for something else."
10. Blank Tile - Scrabble
"Come on, baby! I can be whatever you you need me to be. You complete me by letting me complete you.” Gross.
11. Everyone - Guess Who
Guess who’s the pervert? All of them. Well, except Robert, who’s clearly uneasy in this group.
My attempt at M*A*S*H, a show which is no longer on the air and that I have never really watched an episode of. Or seen the movie, for that matter.
This is the first in a new series of movie reviews I gather from eavesdropping on people near me.
Movie: Evil Dead
Location: Village Bakery. Atwater Village.
Reviewer: Guy on his cell phone with a friend. Girlfriend looks on while eating her oatmeal pancakes.
Yo, what’s up. Nothing. Saw Evil…
Please keep making theses.
My attempt at writing a spec for The Big Bang Theory, which I’ve never seen but have a passing knowledge of. I think I nailed it.